Johnny Appleseed, drug dealer

So this is my version of the story we were telling last night in the hot tub at 2 am about the story people tell when they tell the story of Johnny Appleseed.

But first do you know the story? Here is how it sounds if you somehow find your way to http://www.applejuice.org:

The Story of Johnny Appleseed Johnny Appleseed spent 49 years of his life in the American wilderness planting apple seeds. Johnny Appleseed’s real name was John Chapman. He was born September 26, 1774 in Massachusetts. He created apple orchards in Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Pennsylvania and Ohio. After 200 years, some of those trees still bear apples. Johnny Appleseed’s dream was for a land where blossoming apple trees were everywhere and no one was hungry. A gentle and kind man, he slept outdoors and walked barefoot around the country planting apple seeds everywhere he went. It is even told that he made his drinking water from snow by melting it with his feet. Johnny was a friend to everyone he met. Indians and settlers -- even the animals -- liked Johnny Appleseed. His clothes were made from sacks and his hat was a tin pot. He also used his hat for cooking. His favorite book was the Bible. There are many tales about Johnny Appleseed. It is said that once Johnny fell asleep and a rattlesnake tried to bite him, but the fangs would not go into his foot because his skin was as tough as an elephant’s hide. Another tale describes him playing with a bear family. Johnny Appleseed died in 1845. It was the only time he had been sick -- in over 70 years!!!

There are many tales about Johnny, indeed. Tall tales in the genre of, well, tall tales. The kind of story Twain was fond of tweaking and mimicking. Mike Fink, Riverboat Man; Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. That braggy writing about bigger than life guys that brag a lot and then back that shit up with bigger than life actions. It goes back to oral poetry (cf Beowulf). Heros were men who knew when to shut up (keep your ward hoard locked in your chest, advise the men in Beowulf) and when to boast (to fire up your men and to publicly cal yourself out: do or die. Babe Ruth pointing and then hitting the home run where he pointed, another tall tale).

You'll note the rabbit at the bottom of this image; I like that the girl is giving him a fully grown apple when he is starting to plant a nursery in a place likely not to have any apples. We rabbits are often sensitive to these contradictions, in stories as well as images.

The tale I told Pax was more or less taken from Michael Pollan's documentary The Botany of Desire. Basically, Johnny Appleseed was a drug dealer, spreading the seeds of mood altering plants across the country.

Pax liked this story. The moon was almost full and the sky was like the sky in a story about two early 21st Century males grooming each other with stories and with listening, with the animal pleasure of the play of language across our brains and minds.

For my next post I'll continue this story. For now most of you could likely guess why I call this John Chapman aka Johhny Appleseed chap a drug dealer. In a good way.